“From a very young age, I learned to be an observationist. I didn't have the opportunity to go and play football with friends at school. I was an observer of the sport. So naturally, I've developed the aptitude, skills and abilities to be an observer.”” - Toby Mildon
Toby Mildon is an ambitious consulting business owner and a thoughtful team leader, with a deep commitment to his work as a Diversity & Inclusion architect. As a disabled gay man, he has developed great observation skills on human behavior. He also brings honesty and personal perspectives to this episode.
You can read about this conversation below, but if you can, have a listen to the podcast audio (with the player above or in your podcast app) to hear the laughs, get hungry with us from the food references, and more. It’s hard to make that come across in the text.
We write this article to make the podcast accessible for people who don’t process information through audio - as a way to be inclusive - but if you can, listening gives you the richest and most complete experience.
In Toby's work he focuses on three areas: creating D&I strategies built on data and evidence, developing inclusive leadership competencies with senior leaders, and tackling bespoke projects such as inclusive recruitment processes.
One appreciation that is between the lines of many a LinkedIn post from Toby, and that he also mentions with us here, is his ambition becoming reality of building a company with a team of people.
“We're a small team, but I like to think that we make a big impact.” - Toby Mildon
Living in Manchester with his boyfriend (after 20 years in London) he enjoys the cinema, theater, comedy and especially going to restaurants to savor any and all types of curry.
Growing up with a neuromuscular disability, Toby became an "observationist" from a young age. This skill now helps him in his work, where he's fascinated by human behavior. After a traumatic experience at 30, he came out as gay, choosing to no longer hide that part of who he is.
“There's just more to life, you know? And I was asking myself, why am I hiding part of who I am? Why am I not living my full, authentic self?” - Toby Mildon
“There’s more to life and there’s more to you.” Marjolijn Vlug
Sharing this story leads him to highlight the intersection between sexuality and disability. Toby felt there was a lot of shame about being gay, and very few conversations about sexuality, and stereotypes about visibly disabled people.
“I felt like my disability was always in the foreground. It was the most obvious thing about me, it was the disability that got all of the attention. But my sexuality was something that I could easily suppress or hide, because it's not it's not visible. This also talks about the attitudes that society has towards visibly disabled people, that they are not sexual human beings, that they don't have romantic preferences, that they are, in some way, asexual beings. Therefore, I think that the topic of sex and sexuality in relationships doesn't come up very often for disabled young people” - Toby Mildon
A lot of the work that Toby does is high level, working with company directors and senior leaders, thinking about policies, processes and systems. Nonetheless, he always thinks about the individual on the ground and how it impacts them - and how his actions have a ripple effect on personal lives.
“Include the people that you are creating systems for, who too often are not being included.” - Vivian Acquah
He firmly believes in the principle of "nothing about us, without us" from the disability rights movement in the UK in the 1990s.
Toby’s written a book called Inclusive Growth, elucidating the principles of what good looks like if a company wants to be inclusive in a sustainable way, and its recent follow-up called Building Inclusivity (red: so recent that he hadn’t even chosen the title when we recorded this episode). This latest book introduces the "inclusion flywheel," a practical guide to keep the momentum going for implementing inclusive change in organizations.
As a leader of a small, remote team, Toby's learning to balance his perfectionist tendencies with self-care.
“When it comes to DEI, the work can be fun, the work can be challenging, and sometimes the work can be around not being too hard on yourself.” - Vivian Acquah
Always striving for more and better, putting himself under pressure with a tendency to think things are never quite good enough, Toby had an enlightening moment. He decided to schedule "Do Nothing" weeks into his calendar as wellbeing time, focuses on what energizes him for making an impact, and tries to be mindful of his team's well-being.
He wants to intentionally be a good leader for them, and for them to enjoy their work, have a sense of pride in the impact that they’re making on their clients, and that they are happy and engaged in their work. So he’s a lot more conscious about his impact as a leader, particularly running a virtual, remote organization.
“I'm fascinated and equally frustrated by human behavior.” - Toby Mildon
Being endlessly interested in why people do what they do, for Toby means wondering how behavior stems from things like people's belief system, identities, and values. Why does somebody behave or act in a particular way at work when we see that they behave and act in a different way outside of the office?
What keeps him going in spite of the equal measure of frustration goes back to his early years as a young disabled person.
“I am very reliant on my wheelchair. I think from a very, very young age, I learned to be an observationist. I didn't have the opportunity, for example, to just go and play football with friends at school. I was an observer of the sport. So naturally, I've developed the aptitude, skills and abilities to be an observer.” - Toby Mildon
Having observed wellbeing and human behavior, Toby believes in balancing online and in-person interactions. He also emphasizes the importance of collaboration in DEI work and the need for practitioners to look after their mental health to avoid burnout.He himself approaches this by limiting his work time, taking weeks off and finishing work days at a reasonable hour, compartmentalizing work and not-work time. He’s tried things like journaling and mindfulness. He’s also looking to get cardio equipment to exercise his arms.
Toby's future plans include growing his team and sophisticating data collection and analysis for improved DEI consulting.
“[Data collection] is not just about demographics, but it's about the experience that employees are having in the business, whether they feel that they're being respected, that they belong in the company, that they feel empowered, or that they can progress in their roles. At the touch of a button, that gives a leadership team instant insights into what's really going on for people. Because I think so many businesses create their DEI strategies just based on intuition, gut feel, hearsay.” - Toby Mildon
Vivian sees Toby’s face light up when he talks about the joy of sharing his entrepreneurial journey with young people.
He also shares his recommendations for podcasts, books (see links below) and the documentary Crip Camp which highlights how the antiracism movement and disability rights movement worked together in the USA.
He sees this podcast in line with that cross-pollination: creating the opportunity to connect between different perspectives, different ways of making change. Working with colleagues that have different lived experiences to bring to organizational change.
Thank you for listening and being a part of this ever-expanding connection and growth. Together we pack a punch, share our fascinations (and frustrations), create impact, and hold spaces for a wide range of perspectives to be valued and included.
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About Toby Mildon
Toby, an Equity, Diversity & Inclusion Architect and Mildon founder, has worked with BBC, Deloitte, Accenture, and more. Author of 'Inclusive Growth', he crafts bespoke strategies for inclusive workplaces, driving innovation and business performance.
Connect with Toby via
‘Inclusive Growth Show’ Podcast
Resources & references from this episode:
Book: Verña Myers - “Moving Diversity Forward”
Book: Scott E Page - The Difference
Netflix Documentary: Crip Camp
The Game Changer Index
Toby’s books ‘Inclusive Growth’ and ‘Building Inclusivity’ https://www.mildon.co.uk/resources/
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